Friday, July 31, 2009

Mom, Read at Your Own Risk

I had this idea for a story tonight. It is about a guy who has not had a date in over a decade (no, not me), and he doesn't have many friends (really, it isn't about me), and as a result, he masturbates quite a bit (SERIOUSLY ALREADY, IT ISN'T ABOUT ME). Any who, he decides that, after 12 or so years of celibacy, it is probably time to start dating so he doesn't die alone.

You still with me? I know, cliché, but here is the "Kanrei Touch." He is terrified of dating and has personified his fears into two body parts that have developed very distinct personalities as a result of his life so far: his right hand and his penis. His penis, suffering year upon year of the torment that is masturbation (to a penis, the friction alone must hurt) and has decided it wants to be abstinent and, as a result, refuses to perform, even for his hand.

Now his hand... after so many years of pleasuring a man and having no contact with women, has become gay. It is jealous of his plans to start dating as it considering it "seeing other people" and is constantly giving him grief for "cheating on himself."

As his hand puts it "what do I know about women? I have felt exactly 17 breasts compared to over 2000 hand jobs. Yes, they have all been on myself, but still..."

There is always the chance of personifying other objects to compound his mental anguish, such as his computer, which he used to use for sex he is now using to meet girls and it is offend. The idea needs work.

1 comment:

Your mother said...

thanks for the warning......
I have nothing to say..hard to believe but true